Abraham Ibn Ezra and the Bishop

Once, the great Rabbi and poet, Abraham Ibn Ezra went on a voyage and the ship was attacked by pirates. As was to be expected, the pirates took everything of value on the ship and chained up the passengers to sell them into slavery. When the pirates docked into port, they led their prisoners to the slave market and Ibn Ezra was bought by a Bishop. Things went well for Ibn Ezra when the Bishop immediatly recognized his great wisdom and made him the head of his houshold.

Time past and the King of that land sent a letter to the Bishop that read as follows:

I am in need of a new advisor and seeing as how you seem to be the wisest man in my Kingdom, I would be tempted to grant you the position. Before I can do so however, I need to test your intelect with these three riddles.
Which way does God face?
How much am I worth?
What am I thinking?
If you answer them, you will be apointed as my new advisor, and if not, you wil be exiled, for I have no need for fools in my kingdom.

The Bishop pondered over these questions all that day and had no luck. Towards evening, Ibn Ezra saw the Bisop and asked him what his troubles were. The Bishop showed him the letter and Ibn Ezra smiled and said "Dont worry, just loan me your cloths and I will apear before the king and give him the answers".

The next day, Ibn Ezra dressed in the Bishop's garb and went to the marketplace where he bought a candle and a crusifix. From there he went to the palace.
"Bishop," said the king, "are you prepared to answer my riddles."
"God is with me, Your Majesty." replied Ibn Ezra.
"Very well," said the King, "The first riddle is, which way does God face?"
Abraham Ibn Ezra took out the candle and lit it. "Which way does the light shine?" he asked.
"The light of a candle shines in all directions." said the king.
"So too with God," replied Ibn Ezra "for His glory fills the world."

"Very good," said the King, "and now for the second riddle, how much am I worth?"
"Nine shilings." said Ibn Ezra.
The court was outraged at such an insulting answer and most likely would have stoned the Rabbi had not the King spoken. "You seem very confident with this answer," he said, "how did you come to it?"
Ibn Ezra took out the crusifix and said "I bought this image of Jesus in the market this morning for ten shillings. Surely you can not be worth more than Jesus, but since you are a King you must be worth almost as much. Therefore you must be worth nine shilings."

The King was pleased with this answer. "Very good, and now for the third riddle, what am I thinking?"
"You are thinking," said Ibn Ezra, "that I am the Bishop, when in truth I am not. I am merely his servant Abraham Ibn Ezra whom he sent to you."

The King, thinking that the Bishop had told Ibn Ezra to say these things, was so pleased that he immediatly summoned the Bishop and instated him as his advisor, and the Bishop was so greatful to Rabbi Abraham Ibn Ezra that he granted him his freedom. Ibn Ezra returned to Spain where he lived out his life in happiness and wrote many volumes of wisdom and poetry.

Stories of the Baal Shem Tov: How to Pray

Once, the Baal Shem Tov was walking through a town when he saw a man praying. The Baal Shem Tov always delighted in watching people serve God and so he stopped to watch. An hour passed, then two, then three, and this man still had not finished his morning prayers. Finally after four hours, this man finished praying. Well, the Baal Shem Tov was, needless to say, intrigued by this and he asked the man why it had taken him so long to recite his morning prayers.

The man replied, "You must understand, I was orphaned at a young age and never learned how to pray. I know how to read Hebrew, but I dont understand the meaning of the words. All I know for certain is that I'm supposed to pray every morning, afternoon, and evening. So, every morning, afternoon, and evening I read the entire prayerbook from cover to cover".

The Baal Shem Tov felt sympathy for this man and so he took a piece of paper and tore it into many pieces and on each piece he wrote a day and time. He then placed these pieces of paper in between the pages of the man's prayerbook so that he would know which prayers to say which days of the week and at what times. The man was overjoyed. He thanked the Baal Shem Tov profusly and ran home, but on the way he tripped over a loose cobblestone and dropped his prayerbook which flew open and the wind picked up all the slips of paper and took them away. The man was devistated and ran back to where he had seen the Baal Shem Tov to ask if he could make new strips of paper for him, but when he got there, the Baal Shem Tov was no where to be found.

Just when he though all was lost, he caught a glimpse of the Baal Shem Tov as he dissapeared into the forest outside of town. The man ran as fast as he could to catch up with the Baal Shem Tov. A few times he called out to the Baal Shem Tov, but he was so far away that the Baal Shem tov couldnt hear him and continued walking. Eventually the Baal Shem Tov came to a wide river that was far too deep to wade across. "Good", thought the man "The river will delay the Baal Shem Tov while he tries to find a way to cross." But much to the man's dismay, the Baal Shem Tov simply pulled out his hankerchief, folded it up, and used it like a boat to float across the river. When he reached the other side, he simply stepped off the hankerchief into dry land, picked up his hankerchief, rang it out, put it in his pocket and went on his way.

When the man reached the river, he knew he couldnt waste a moment if wanted to catch up with the Baal Shem Tov. So, he took out his hankerchief, folded it up, and used it as a boat to cross the river. After he crossed the river, he stepped off of the hankerchief onto dry land, quickly put it back in his pocket and rushed after the Baal Shem Tov.

Finally, he caught up with the Baal Shem Tov and told him his situation. The Baal Shem Tov was more than happy to help the man, but as he was tearing a piece of paper into small pieces, he paused and said, "Wait a moment, there was a river between us and the town. How did you cross it without getting wet?"

"I did the same thing that you did," said the man, "I used my hankerchief as a boat to cross."

The Baal Shem Tov smiled as he handed the prayerbook back to the man. "If that is the case" he said, "then I want you to teach me how to pray".

The Wise Men of Chelm: How it all started (special story for Purim)

Everyone knows Chelm, its the city of fools. But how did so many fools end up in one place?

Well, you must understand that in Judaism we dont believe in the stork. Well, we believe it exists but we dont believe all that is atributed to it. No, we believe that souls come from heaven and every day an angel with big golden wings puts the souls into two sacks, one full of wise souls and one full of foolish souls, and destributes them throughout the world in accordance with the orders he has recieved from the Home Shopping Network.

So it happened, that one day this angel overslept and had to rush through his deliveries that day, and it happened that as he was traveling through Poland he began to doze off in mid-flight(violating FAA regulations). When he opened his eyes he saw that he was about to crash into a huge mountain. He quickly swerved to aoid it but, unfortunatly, he didnt swerve fast enough and one of his bags tore open and all the souls in that bag fell to the bottom of the mountain. The souls all got up, dusted themselves off and founded a city at the foot of that mountain and called it Chelm.

Now there is an argument concerning whether the angel turned to the right or the left when he dodged the mountain. Because you see, if he turned to the left then that would mean that the bag of wise souls was ripped, but if he turned to the right then the bag of foolish souls was ripped. Now it would seem that he ripped the bag of foolish souls for the Chelmites seem to be rather foolish people, but perhaps he really ripped the bag of wise souls, and the people of Chelm are really wise, but we are merely too foolish to recognize their wisdom.

The Bull's Eye

Rabbi Eliyahu of Vilna, also known as the VIlna Gaon, was very close friends with Rabbi Yaakov Krantz, the greatest Jewish storyteller in recent memory, better known as the Dubno Maggid. Once the two of them were walking together and talking and the Vilna Gaon asked the Dubno Maggid, "Tell me Reb Yaakov, how is it that no matter what we are discussing, you always have the perfect story to go with the subject?" The Dubno Maggid thought for a minute and responded, "I will answer that question with a story."

Once, long ago, there was a rich nobleman who sent his son to an academy to learn how to shoot, and after years of study and practice the young man graduated with high honors. As he was riding home, with his chest covered in medals and a diploma in his pocket, he passed through a village and suddenly he stopped his horse, for he saw on the side of a barn one hundred circles drawn in chalk and in the center of each circle, was a bullet hole. "Who is this incredible marksman," cried the young man, "who can shoot one hundred perfect bull's eyes!!?? I must meet him!" Just then a child happened to walk by and said "Oh, thats just Naarale. Hes the town fool." "I dont care if he is a fool," said the young marksman, "anyone who can shoot one hundred perfect bull's eyes must have won every medal in the academy. Even I cant do that." "No, you dont understand," said the boy, "Naarale doesnt draw the circles first and then shoot. First he shoots, and then he draws the circles."

"So it is with me," said the Maggid, "I dont just happen to come up with a good story for the subject at hand. First I learn and read many stories, and then I bring up a subject for which I know I have a perfect story."